Thursday, September 20, 2012

{ hormones anyone? }

When I was 12, I babysat for the family that lived right next door to me. They were a cute family with even cuter kids. The mom (who was and still is incredibly adorable) was pregnant with baby #3. I remember one day, after a few hours of babysitting that afternoon, the mom came home and stopped suddenly in the kitchen. I approached, ready to say hi and tell her how it went with the kids, when I noticed this strange look on her face. She must have seen the questioning look on my face, and she immediately broke into tears. Shaking her head and trying to wipe away tears she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I just heard about this accident on the radio and I couldn't stop thinking about it and thought, 'What if that was my family?' and I just can't stop crying!" and she sobbed and sobbed.

"Oh...okay..." was all my 12 year old self could respond with. She quickly paid me and I went home, thinking that was a little weird, and then never thinking about that day again until I became pregnant myself and started dealing with extreme emotions.

And oh. my. gosh. Are they extreme or what... Proof...

I was driving back to work from my lunch break yesterday, feelin' all mellow and relaxed from the nap I had at my mom's house, and Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" comes on. You know the song..."In New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothin' you can't do, now you're in New York!" 

And I get all pumped because I'm actually going to be in New York next week for the first time ever, so I turn it up and start to jam and suddenly, out of nowhere, I start bawling. Like, hard core, gasping crying, but I'm still singing with the song as I cry, "...these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you..." and I'm sobbing and thinking as I sing, "Yes, those streets will make me feel brand new, and I will be inspired by those big lights!" and I just cry with the radio blaring and my fist pumping the air, and before I get out of the car, I have to make myself stop crying so I can walk back into the office.

And then it was over, just like that.

Then today, I wake up and my husband calls me early (he's in San Fransisco for work) and he's telling me about driving out there and how he couldn't park the truck anywhere and it took way longer than he expected and there was a mix-up with the hotel and he didn't get to bed till 2:00am and then they got up at 5:30 and he's soo tired from only getting a few hours of sleep. So we talk for awhile, and then I have to go because I'm getting ready for work.

So later in the afternoon, I decide to call him because I know he's got a long day ahead of him, and I want to make sure he's ok since he's running off 3 hours of sleep  and 5 hour energy drinks. His phone rings and rings, but he doesn't answer, so I leave a message that went something like, "Oh hey honey - just calling to see how your day is! Hope you're not too tired. Love you, bye!"

Then a few hours goes by and I don't hear from him, so I text him and leave another message, "Uh, hi hon- you're probably busy, but I wanted to make sure you were ok, so call me when you get this. Love ya!" (which wasn't as chipper as the first) This is followed by a few texts and one more call (which was not chipper at all).

Finally, it's the and of the work day and I begin to worry. He hasn't returned any of my calls, texts, or emails (which, I only emailed him once and text about 5 times...does that lessen my craziness?) When he doesn't answer my email, I really start to worry because he always answers emails. I begin to think of every scenario that could go wrong and wonder if he fell asleep and drove off the Golden Gate Bridge and when I get home I'll see some story on the news about a truck that drove over the side of the bridge.

I'm panicking hard core now and my weepy, worry panic is progressing into something more. I find the number for my cousin's wife who works with my husband and knows his bosses phone number, and I text her to see if she'll have his boss (who he's with) tell him to call me. FINALLY my phone rings and I hear Andrew's ring tone and my worry panic/rage immediately turns into rage rage, and even though I'm glad he's not dead, I want to kill him for not calling or answering his damn phone.

He's really apologetic and I yell, "YOU JUST ABOUT GAVE A PREGNANT LADY A HEART ATTACK!!!" and hang up. (Mature, right?) He texts me and explains that his phone died and he plugged it into the car charger and left it in the truck. I fume for a few more minutes and eventually I get over my anger and know it was an honest mistake. I text him back and say I'm sorry for getting so mad, and then I feel like an idiot for letting myself get so upset and angry over something so dumb.

And that is how it is...all the time lately. Extreme pregnancy crazy moments. Please, please tell me I'm not the only one who gets this way!


Nissensmor said...

I just wanted to stop by and say: No you are not the only one. I do think that hormons and some sense of "more then just us" creeps in. In ones mind a "other" or different life is starting and you/a person is respossible. But - just wait- once the baby is born, it gets worse. I never cried to sad songs(or at least since I was a teenager) Now any reunion or "voted off from shows" can get one crying. Cartoons when someone dies or gets saved....LOL...
But overall be a parent is great. In the begining you are the overall caregiver and lifesaver. Later you realize that children are their own masters and the best you can do, is to give them the tools to handle life.

I have a "tweenie(?)" which means tons of musice I would NEVER :) have heard and that doesn´t allways sound great. Aka Any version of any song Chipmonked.

Lisa K said...

I didn't get hormonal at all with Colton, but then got baby blues (crazy hormones right after the baby is born) really bad. Then with Kylie I was hormonal like you during the pregnancy and no baby blues. Your body just gets psycho with pregnancies!!

pollydove said...

Welcome to ALL OF THE CRAZINESS! I am dealing with those same things Miss Shannon ... but this time around it is called MENOPAUSE! Why-O-Why-O-Why?!

I went to the doctor earlier this week to switch up my hormones ('cause the other ones were makin' me crazy) and as soon as the doctor walked into the room, I started crying. It was like the little kid waiting for his mommy and as soon as he sees her he lets it all out. (I can only gets it's because I knew she was the one to help me.)

It'll all be worth it! I'm SO happy for you guys! Can't wait for you to be a mommy! xo

paula said...

First off...I am so jealous you are going to favorite city! You will love it.

You are not the only one who has these extreme crazy hormone moments. When I was pregnant with my 2nd I got really depressed and I could NOT figure out why because I wanted to be pregnant. I thought I was crazy until I spoke with my Dr and he explained to me that it was normal....crazy hormones. It passed after a few weeks. Just a warning.....if you think this is bad-wait until you have the baby. It's insane. When they place that baby in your arms you are going to feel things that you can't imagine. I always got really weepy and emotional about 3-7 days after I gave birth....I'm talking CRAZY weepy. It's a beautiful time but it's also emotional. Now I'm 5 years and 2 kids into this and it's still emotional. Sometimes you will look at them and love them so much that it hurts your heart. Sometimes they will make you soooooo mad that you want to rip your hair out (just wait). Motherhood is an emotional roller coaster. The phrase "Being a parent is equivalent to having your heart walking around outside your body" is the truest I have heard. Welcome to the roller coaster ride sista.....hold on tight!

Anonymous said...

I think most woman experience something dramatic like that when they are pregnant. It's wild - just hang in there. :) You will look back and laugh at this.
Erin Hiatt