Tuesday, August 30, 2011

{fall is around the corner...time to fill my Xanax}

Fall is just around the corner. I can feel it. The nights are cooler, days are shorter, and my anxiety is creeping back......hold on a sec while I grab a Xanax.

While I love the fall and the cooler temperature, I get S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder). Seriously, a wave of panic came over me the other night when I realized it was dark at 8:30. (I've felt that same wave a panic the last few days thinking about my impending birthday. For some reason, turning 29 is freaking me out, but that's another post in itself.) Where did the summer go? In May, I made a list of all the things I wanted to do this summer. My aspirations were high, but I was determined to make the most of the summer months ahead. I wrote down things like hike a lot, go to the lake, search for geodes in Dugway, camp, throw parties, go to Lagoon (even if it is a little ghetto), work on house projects, paint, etc.

I had the same ambitions I have some nights when I go to bed and set my alarm. I think to myself, "I am going to get up early tomorrow- earlier than I've ever woken up before! I'll set my alarm for 5:30, get up, excersise, then fix a healthy, hearty breakfast, pack Andrew's lunch and one for me too since of course I'll have time, then get ready, curl my hair, iron my outfit, and even clean the house a little before I head out for work!" Then when my alarm goes off at 5:30, I wonder what in the world I was ever thinking and hit snooze a couple hundred times until I finally get up, scramble around, wondering if I have time to wash my hair.

Maybe I had too high of expectations when I made my summer list because out of my whole list of 50 or so things to do, I think we did about 5. Instead of having fun exploring the mountains near my house while singing "The Hills are Alive" and planning wild luau parties, I spent the majority of my time trying to figure out why I wasn't having a baby and working. Not my ideal summer to say the least!

So here I am, trying not to fret over the inevitable. Instead I'll ease my nerves (even if it is medically induced) and make a list of Fall activities that I want to accomplish. Pumpkin patches, carving jack-o-lanterns, drives through the canyon to see the leaves changing, Thanksgiving, Halloween parties, hot soups, make pretty Holiday decorations, etc...What are some of your plans for the fall?


Karlie said...

Oh girl, why does winter have to be so hard for us! Let's fight this together. We need to sit and make a list, just like you do for summer, of things we can try in the winter and go do some of them together. Happy Birthday this weekend! I will be out of town. I wish you the best and hope you have a wonderful day. We should get together for Katie's birthday and we can celebrate for both of you.

The Laidlaws said...

Oh girl! I think we all feel your pain. I made myself a huge to-do-list and only end up getting 1/4 of it finished by my "deadline." Oh, and not to mention the whole good intentions of waking up early to exercise thing. It never happens for me. I have finally admitted to myself that I am not a morning person and if I'm going to work out, it has to be at night. Hmph! Oh the things we have to do to stay happy and healthy. Hope your fall is a little better than your summer. xoxo!

cathycan said...

You have to remember that you are judging the 29 thing from a Mo perspective. Heck from the Mo perspective you should be almost halfway to having a married daughter! Don't worry about the lists and time frames, you are an individual and have a unique path. Try to live in a way that you know you're on the right path and don't worry how fast you walk it or set a number of pretty rocks to pick up along the way. Just make sure you enjoy your walk and pick up as many purty rocks as you want!

lifeinredshoes said...

Listen to your Mother!

The Author said...

I have SAD which is why I miss the desert so much and why I spent the first half of this year in therapy. Again. I feel your pain. You can come sit under my white light with me and pretend it's summer.

And I am *dying* about turning 29. THe thought makes me shake. I think I'm just not having a birthday this year. I can't do it.