Monday, August 22, 2011

{the evening I felt a slight breeze}

This time of the year, the days are really, really hot. It seems to me that the hottest part of the day is about 6:00, so it surprised me a bit to feel a slight breeze in my nether region as I walked into IKEA after work. Because it was so hot, I just figured I had a little swass and walking into the store allowed a little air circulation, thus causing the cooling breeze...

....or so I thought.

Fast forward 4 hours. It's 10:20 and aside from my hour long trip to IKEA, I've spend the majority of my evening cleaning, de-cluttering, and organizing my craft room. The hubs has been at his parents house all night helping his dad work on their deck, and he just got home, walked upstairs, and found me in the office as I was changing the Pandora station checking Facebook. The first words out of his mouth are, "Hey babe, how was your....." Something catches him off guard and then I hear, "Shan, what in the world did you do to your pants!?"

"Huh?"

"Your pants- there's a huge hole in them!"

I stand up and my hand reaches behind me, expecting to feel a hole about 2 inches, but instead I feel my underwear...a LOT of underwear. A wave of panic rushes over me as my sympathetic husband begins hysterically laughing, keeling over.

"How long has it been there!?"

My mind races and suddenly, through the confusion of it all, I remember hearing a faint ripping noise around 4:00 at work as I sat down in my chair. But what did it get caught on? What caused the initial hole?! Had I snagged it on something and then amplified the tear when I sat down?

My mind is boggled, and then the real embarrassment hits me, but I start cracking up too. I had been wandering IKEA for about an hour. And it was packed. And I remember some girl standing in the check out line behind me talking on her phone, kind of whispering and then cracking up...and then I'm pretty sure I heard her camera phone. OMG! She was taking a picture of my HUGE hole in my pants! I didn't think anything of it then, but now it all makes sense! The man quickly walking past me, chuckling, I thought, because I had tripped on a crack and kind of rolled my ankle and did a funny, hop/stumble/walk. Now I realize he was laughing because I had tripped AND I had a huge hole in my pants.

I'm just glad I decided not to go grocery shopping too....

13 comments:

Jen said...

This is so freaking hilarious!!! Oh I can't stop laughing. Nice @$& by the way!

Lindsey said...

I'm crying and laughing. Oh my goodness, that is so sad and awesome. Shame on them for not saying anything to you. Maybe they thought it was on purpose?

BECKY said...

that IS a hole! thanks for the laff!!!!

pollydove said...

OH NOOOOOOO!!!!! That is horrible! I would be dying ... but I do think the hole is better there than over in the bum crack region! :)

(And seriously, how could no one tell you that?!?!?! Where are people's manners?)

cathycan said...

I would have told you! "um, did you know you kinda have a hole in your pants?"
That is funny! Thank goodness you weren't wearing a thong!! hehe
Guess I should watch for your pic in the People of IKEA !

The Brady Bunch said...

That made my day! I'm sorry it was at your expense, but thank you! One of the funniest things ever!

lifeinredshoes said...

O.M.H. at least you were wearing underwear :)

Alyssa said...

Bahaha, that is the funniest thing ever! I can't believe you didn't know/nobody said anything!!

Rachel said...

I so feel your pain! I walked halfway across USU campus with the back of my dress tucked under my backpack. Someone finally told me and I wanted to die, but it was pretty dang funny at the same time!

Laura said...

Shan, I seriously laughed hard when i read this, but the pic and how enormous that hole is.... I just about died! I am sorry you went through that, but thanks for sharing a good laugh! I actually ripped a very similar hole in some pants of mine the other week and didnt notice until much later... But luckily i was at home all that day. :)

The Author said...

It's so late and I'm trying so hard to stifle my laughter so I don't wake my kids that I think I just peed a little. I always think your posts are witty and fun, but this, well this just takes the cake. I'm so, SO glad you even added a picture. Funniest part of my day. Love it.

.jimaie.marie. said...

oh my gosh, this is too much!! hahaha!! I can't believe the girl behind you took a picture, I mean I CAN but I can't! LOL! I'm with the above poster, I'm so glad you posted a picture b/c that just sealed the deal on the funny. oh man!

TAbbey at Southern Charm said...

I love that post! The same thing happened to me not long ago when I went to get in the car but I heard it happen. It was a good pair of Joe's Jeans too!! All you can do is laugh in those situations though. Good thing you had on regular panties too. :-)