...this girl, Kiki. I tried writing this post yesterday, but couldn't stop crying long enough to clear my eyes so I could actually see the computer.
She's been secretly sick for awhile, losing weight, & getting skinnier and skinnier. I say secretly, because other than the weight loss, we really never had any other clues that she had anything wrong with her. She was her sweet, normal self! But a few months ago, she started throwing up, and wasn't eating as much. I took her into our vet, and after an expensive blood and urine test, he couldn't really tell me what was wrong. He didn't even explain what the high levels of protein and globulin's meant on her test. I told him I was worried about her losing weight, but he said that 9lbs was healthy for a cat. So we left.
I still knew something wasn't right. If you have pets, you know them. You know when they aren't acting like themselves, and I knew Kiki didn't feel good.
A month and a half later, it was visible she was thinner, so I took her to another vet. I brought the results from her blood tests and was so happy to finally have a vet that cared enough to explain what everything meant. He did another, small (and inexpensive) blood test to confirm that her protein levels were still high and after a few other tests & an exam, I was told the grim news...
My little, sweet, 3 year old cat has cancer. Lymphosarcoma, to be exact. It is rare for a young cat to get it, but it happens. He felt the tumor on her lymph nodes in her abdomen, and all of the test results and symptoms add up.
I thanked him for explaining everything and left, not really knowing what to do. We could spend a ton of money doing an ultrasound, then a biopsy, and then give her medicine to manage the tumor, but nothing can cure her, and I hate to put her through all that. And to be honest, we just can't spend that much money on something that might only prolong her life for another 6 months.
My heart is broken and it didn't really hit me until last night. Every time I looked at her, I cried. Everything made me cry and I couldn't stop. I felt like I needed to be sedated. Seriously.
Some of you might laugh, thinking how silly I am acting over a cat, but unless you have pets of your own, you couldn't understand what I'm going through. Kiki isn't just my pet, she's like my baby. Other than her brother (who's fine) she's the first cat that has been mine. I bought her, raised her, and take care of her. She is full of personality and is the sweetest cat.
The thought of putting her to sleep makes me bawl all over again. For now we're keeping a close eye on her, and when we can tell she's really sick, we'll take her in.
*sigh* Life is hard like that sometimes. Do any of you have pets that you've had to put down? What helped you cope? Thoughts?