Friday, July 11, 2008

{this post will probably ensue lots of comments}

I have a confession. I hate the Twilight series. Okay, so maybe I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it. There, I said it. Wow...I feel so much better! Like a weight has been lifted off my chest!

*phew*

Before I step onto my soap box, I must give fair warning. If you haven't read the books, and plan to, this might spoil a few things. But I like to look at this post as a little review to help you decide whether to waste your time or not.

Now, before you cast the first stone, let me explain why I didn't like it. See, when I first read the book, I couldn't put it down. It's an easy, quick read, and I was a bit captivated to see what shenanigans Bella would get into next, however after the last book, I was bugged to death with the characters. First, Bella is so friggin' clumsy and dumb. The poor girl has no distinction of what is dangerous or not. I mean, for heaven sake, she is in love with a freaking vampire who wants to suck her blood! But I think what bothered me the most about her was her "ho-hum" attitude. She falls in love with a cold, hard, zombie and right away wants to give up everything for him. Her family, college, future children, everything! The girl has no aspirations, except to be a zombie too. No hobbies, no career aspirations, nothing.

Then there's Edward....*sigh*. Okay, so I get the whole "Oooo, he's mysterious, handsome, and dangerous!" but really, what's so sexy about a cold, hard, dead dude? I didn't understand why she was always wanting to cuddle with him- especially when they live way up north where it's always cold and rainy. Unless she wanted to get pneumonia so she could miss school. Hmm...Plus, what's up with Edwards creepy stalker/controlling attitude!? I know, I know, he needs to protect Bella from her clumsy ways, but still. I thought it was a little much.

Seriously, the only character I liked was Jacob. Yeah, he's a werewolf, but at least he's alive. Maybe because I think Native American men are hotter than Phoenix in July (hello, Last of the Mohican's people!? Yummy!), but really, this kid had hobbies, friends outside of his family, was funny, and warm to the touch! Plus, he was a big, buff guy who Bella could actually grow old with and have babies. Picture it- little Bella & Jacob pups running around everywhere! Awww!

So, before you start ranting and raving and telling me you're never reading my blog again, I thought I'd conduct a li'l Pro & Con lists for Edward and Jacob. Just to see if we can make things fair....

Edward Pro's

  • He's mature- I know lots of girls who like to date older men. Even if they are 100 years their senior. (i.e. Girls Next Door & Heff)
  • Those topaz eyes. At least you know he's not hungry
  • His mad running skills. Late for work? No worries, he'll get you where you need to go lickity split!
  • His sweet cars. He's worked real hard these past 100 years & saved up for a sweet Volvo.
  • His smarts- a kid that's been in high school for that long has got to know just about everything by now. He should charge for tutoring lessons. In about 50 years, he'll have enough to buy another silver Volvo.
Edward Cons:

  • He's dead- nuf said.
  • He's hard as stone & cold- Nothing screams sexy louder than spooning with your clammy, stone hard boyfriend. Ooh baby!
  • He's a control freak- In his defense though, when you've been on your own for that many years, I'd get a little set in my ways too.
  • His got major road rage. On the flip side, if he gets pulled over he could just suck the police officers blood. No officer= no ticket.
  • He is only attracted to Bella's scent. So if she does turn into a vampire, is the lust still going to be there?
Jacob Pros:

  • He's alive!
  • Tall, dark, and handsome. Mmm baby!
  • Her dad likes him and is friends with his dad. Family BBQ's wouldn't be a problem at all. In fact, she could still be with her family!
  • He's a human heater! Their utility costs would go way down in the winter cause he doesn't need a jacket and she can cuddle with him at night.
  • He rides motorcycles and knows how to fix cars. Sexy! Okay, so I guess I'm a little bias since my husband is a mechanic, but still. The kid has hobbies and skills!
Jacob Cons:

  • The shedding. Seriously, having a dog around the house can get a little furry. Regular grooming would be required.
  • Grocery bills. He is always hungry & never full. Oh wait, that would be my hubby too.
  • The dog poop. Like he's always going to use the toilet? Please! Better invest in a pooper scooper.
  • Utility costs in the summer. A guy that radiates heat that way he does will have a hard time staying cool mid-July!
  • Maturity. I'm a little torn on this one, because I married a man 2 years my junior, but Jacob is 16 and Bella is 18. There is a huge maturity difference at that age!
And last, before I let the comments start pouring in, I'd like to leave you with this picture....
This picture is so wrong on so many levels. Look at Edward. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit too? What part of this picture makes him look sexy?! Isn't he supposed to be this hot, hunky, dude? Instead, he looks like he's wearing his grandma's wig and her muddy lipstick (at least he shared with Bella)! And he needs a manicure. Plus, if you've read the book, you know that Bella would never wear this much makeup or dress this nice. The girl is frumpy and always objected to being made up. At least they got her clueless, distracted look right.

But like I always say, to each his own! If you liked it, super! Comment and tell me why. If you didn't, do the same! Let the games begin!

20 comments:

Barry said...

That is honestly the most gay looking magazine cover I've ever seen. I'm sick of hearing about the twilight series and how wonderful it is, so this post was a GREAT breath of fresh air!

shell said...

um I hate twilight! i didn't even read the last two books really... just skimmed through them.

Samantha said...

no worries...I love the books but I don't go around giving threats to people if I dont like what they say....I am more into HSM so yeah...I love the books (twilight) and I'm excited for the movie but i don't get worked up about it. all good in the hood for me!

cathycan said...

Never have read one, but if that is representative of the Edward character..I just threw up a little in my mouth. I wonder, would Jacob have doggy breath?

Samantha said...

p.s. I love your native american comment. "hotter then pheonix in July" and Last of the Mohicans! haha I like them too, maybe cause i am married to one. Your too funny!

Samantha said...

oops "phoenix" sorry

Lindsey said...

Hey,
How are you? Let us know if you want the tickets. We could maybe meet up for dinner beforehand. The tickets are $90 each. The craig's list listing is a little misleading. Scott can't put each in the title line. Oh, and the tickets aren't next to ours. I don't know, maybe that is a good thing. Scott likes to sing along.
Anyway, if you don't want them, no worries. We just thought we would put it out there.
Oh, and for the record I didn't love Twilight either. Sure, I read it and was totally obsessed with it for a week, but then I was over it. Bella isn't a super strong female role model--all weak and needy. Fun read, not earth shattering though. You are brave woman to put this out there.
You should read the Book Thief. Love, love, love it.

The Smith Family said...

AHHHHHH... I'm totally going to post a comment to you on MY blog tomorrow. I just have WAY to much to say, and I don't think that a comment that size would fit in this itty bitty little widow I have open. :) So, if I get around to it, you'll have to check out my comment there... but just FYI, I TOTALLY loved these books! I know, you probably think I'm a loser, but lets just say it has to do with 2 things. 1. Taking my imagination to another place, besides dirty diapers and husbands who are never home. and 2. Easy reading, and knowing there's a movie to come. lol
ttyl
Shelley

Claire said...

I like the books... for the most part! If nothing else, they are an entertaining, easy read! I do, however, have a hard time with the obsession over them!! Do people realize how many other good book are out there!?! I think Bella is a whiny brat. I think Edward is moody. Really, Jacob is my favourite, so I just read the other stuff so I can find out what's up with him!! :D And that magazine cover... AWFUL!!! The person in charge of that photo shoot should lose their job. As should the casting director for the movie. Cedric Diggory=Edward Cullen... doesn't work for me.

Shannon- I just want you to know that I support you in your hating Twilight. I wish I didn't care what happens in the next book, but I've spent enough time reading the first three that I kind of want to read the next one, just so I know what happens.

Katie said...

I wanted to comment before I read anyone else's comments, so sorry if I repeat something.

I, too, got sucked into the author's writing style, but felt the story was a little silly. However, the way she writes made me feel like I know the characters like they were my best friends.

It was easy to see why Bella fell so hard for Edward. She never really had a father-figure, and now there was this mysterious person that at first intrigued her, and then promised her a life away from the hum-drum drama of the regular life she had been living. Promising her *forever*, something that she's probably been longing for since her parent's divorce saga.

Edward's protective because I feel that he's "imprinted" on Bella. They seem like they were meant for each other, even though they're all wrong for each other. He's immortal, she's not and he wants to make sure she survives her everyday shinanigans as well as the people that are seemingly always after her.

Jacob.. I can't stand him! Funny how different people take different perspectives. He's rude, childish, and reckless. I feel Bella would only get hurt by staying with him. Especially if he "imprinted" on someone else later in life. She'd be left alone, just like that.

As for the EW cover.. whoever did that picture got it all wrong. If you look at other pics for the movie, it looks more realistic and I feel they've captured the characters perfectly.

I'm glad to hear someone else isn't totally in love with every aspect of the story. I think it was a good read, nonetheless, and can't wait to see how their story ends!

Lisa K said...

I really enjoyed the series, but I'm not looking forward to the movie at all. I probably won't see it. I'm also on Team Jacob. I'd date him before Edward any day.

Meesh said...

That magazine cover is hideous!! I don't think they picked a very good Edward and Bella for the movie. The dude is not hot! Go back to Harry Potter!...even though you died in the 4th. I'm totally with you on the cover Shan, they've got it all wrong.

McCall said...

Thanks for a post I can TOTALLY relate too. I can't even get through the 2nd book. I feel the need to read them all in order to join in girl's night dinner conversations but, if I freakin' read the word "numb" one more time I'll die. There are way more descriptive words out there Stephenie Meyers. We know Bella is numb w/o Edward. Ugh!

PS If I HAD to pick a team...it'd be Jacob. But, I'm not pickin' either. ;)

PSS I could've gone my whole life without seeing that magazine cover. YUCK!

Brienne said...

I LOVED the first book and totally got into the second, but like you in the third I was like "geeeeez, when is this going to end?" Two things. 1: I hoped she'd end up with Jacob too and 2: that magazine cover...WTH? Whoever put that together did NOT read the books and did a LOUSY job of makeup, etc. I agree with the grandmothers wig and lipstick. I wanted to puke after my co-worker showed me that on Thursday. Although i'm totally going to buy the 4th book and see the movie. Damnit.

John, Allisha, & Ezra said...

Oh give me a break! These books were GREAT! Edward is a dream. I will agree with you that the magazine cover was horrible, but come on....it was an enjoyable book. I agree with a comment on here...it's great to get away from everyday changing diapers..etc...and to read a great novel. I just will not tell my friends and family that you wrote this blog or they wouldn't allow me to view it anymore. :) Just teasing. You're too funny!

Jessica Kettle said...

ok. really, I could kiss you for writing this. lets be friends. I wrote a review about how much I hated the book last year and practically got death threats! also, edward looks the complete opposite of sexy in this picture. I find the whole thing perverse really. yesss... I love met who want to suck my blood...? yea. don't really see the turn on there.

BECKY said...

I so agree with jessica kettle and mccall's thoughts.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for writing this post. You have gained 2039470237509285820958230948234 more respect points from me for writing this. Thank you for finally saying something about the utter ridiculousness so many girls and women are talking about. Even my Beehives are obsessed and I have to tell them to shut up about Edward and listen to my lesson all the time. :)

And that magazine cover almost made me die with laffter of disgust... that is the ugliest picture I've ever seen!! I loved it!

Sarah Marie said...

I had no idea what that Twilight series is all about -- but now that you clued me in, I have NO desire to read that at all! Or see the movie! OMG -- scary pale vampire man with red lips and fluffy hair? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kat said...

Good description.. I almost did throw up in my mouth! haha, nasty. I agree with you- good, easy read- but so dumb on multiple levels. you can bet I'll be seeing the movie though, no lie.
p.s- you're in trouble, we never got together when I was in town. I even left you my phone #

Kat said...

Phoenix in July IS ferociously hot. You got that right!