Wednesday, June 4, 2008

{be nice}

If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!!!


So...I walked into work this afternoon and a coworker asked me a question about myself that was blatantly mean hearted. I really couldn't believe what I was hearing, and my only reaction was, "What?" Then she asked it again. All I could do was walk away, trying to keep myself composed until I could close the door to my office to cry. I'm not going to repeat her question out of embarrassment, and I'm not one to pour salt into my own wound, but it was along the same lines as if someone asked a person with bad acne, "Do you like having zits all over your face?" Seriously, I just wanted to scream at her, "Why would you ask that? What part of you thought that I wouldn't be hurt by that? Did your mother never teach you any manners? Do you have no tact or class?!" Thankfully, I have another coworker who is a sweet heart and a good friend, who sensed I was upset and consoled me.


I know they say sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, but sometimes they do. They might not leave a physical scar or bruise, but inside, they leave a scar that will last forever. Honestly, if you think back on a time that someone said something mean to you, that really hurt, I'm sure you can still remember exactly what they said and how it made you feel. It might not hurt as bad as when they said it, but it still hurts.


So to all the mean people out there, seriously, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!

24 comments:

John, Allisha, & Ezra said...

Oh Shannon, I'm so sorry. When I was in that same office someone told me when I was 8 months along that my butt looked big. Yeah...probably WAS bigger...
yeah...probably not the right timing. Dang...I'm sorry. Whatever it was their a LIAR!! I'm sure I know who it was. Have a better day!

Steph Corwin said...

I'm sorry that happened to you! That is the worst. My future grandmother in law told me I was chunky as I was picking out my wedding gown. Then continued on that MAYBE it was still baby fat, and that maybe I should do a few sit-ups before the wedding. My mom, sister, and I were all in the room and could not even say anything out of complete shock. It was HORRIBLE. Sometimes it is so hard to believe what comes out of people's mouths, especially when they act like they didn't say anything bad! I hope your day gets better and I'm glad you have a coworker to console you.

Sarah Marie said...

Shan- I am soo, soo sorry that happened. Ugh- I can't believe that person said something so mean to you! How could they? You are one of the coolest, prettiest, most fun, creative and nicest girls ever. GRR to them! I totally know what you mean about the mean things sticking-- it's like you forget the nice things but the mean things burn in your brain. I really don't get how people could be SO rude. Not cool. One time one of my best friends at work said to me "you look silly" and even tho ppl have said WAY meaner things to me in life, this really hurt cuz I thought I looked really cute that day, I was all dressed up, etc. Nobody wants to be told they look "silly" like some kind of a clown! Whenever someone says something crazy mean to me, I wish I had a good comeback but I'm also so shocked I say nothing. And yes, like Steph said-- I'm so glad that you had a nice coworker friend to console you. I want you to know that whatever the mean coworker said, I"m sure its not true-- and that girl is probably jealous of you and just wanted to bring you down. Im so sorry. We all think you're just great!!!

caitlin said...

I am sorry you had that happen. I think one of the best things I have learned from my husband is to understand that whatever you think "normal" is, it's different to someone else. That girl was rude. People are rude. I hate it. It hurts sometimes, and it makes me cry just like it did you. But the important thing to realize is that girl might have thought it was "normal" to say that. (which totally doesn't excuse it)

The best thing for you to do is try to brush it off and feel sorry for her that she thought that it was okay to say something hurtful.

I think your great. Don't let the haters getcha down. (yo, yo, yo :)

Katie said...

Shan, I seriously can't imagine what anyone could say to you. You're awesome and a superherodivalady. I'm sorry that person has no sense of reality or tact.

Vail blog said...

I am so sorry. Some people are so insensitive. I have read it takes 12 compliments to replace one negative comment. So read this 12 times I THINK YOUR FANTASTIC! She obviously is just jealous and tacky. I am sorry you had that experience.

The Little Hiatt Family said...

Yeah, I know "that girl" can be mean. I deal with her 8 hours, 5 days a week. It is hard to take some of the comments she makes. But I love you Shann. You are wonderful.. and what she said is not true. you are amazing and you look great! :D Besides she can be ugly on the INSIDE. You on the other hand are beautiful inside and out!

shan & andrew said...

Okay, you guys are way too sweet! Thank you for your nice comments! I'm feeling much better and a little foolish for letting a dumb, mannerless girl get to me, but it's so nice to have good friends that have my back! Love you guys! THANKS AGAIN!

Lisa K said...

She probably is very insecure and has self-esteem problems. That's why she makes rude comments, to put others down and build herself up. I try to think that every time someone says something rude to me, it makes me feel a little better.

John, Allisha, & Ezra said...

Oh I forgot to tell you this one. My boss in San Diego after knowing me for 2 days told me that she hated my voice. Top that one. How do you "change" your voice? Everyone will get a rude comment...shows us how strong we are in how we react. Sounds like you were a lot nicer than I would be.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry shannon!OH people are soooooooooo rude! Right after I had Crew I was at a store WITH Crew in plain sight, I was buying him tan church pants for him and the stupid girl at the cash register opened her big mouth and said " oh you must be having a boy, when are you due?". I can only imagine what kind of a face I made. I felt like saying " Open your blind eyes you freak! He's right in front of you!" SOME PEOPLE JUST DONT KNOW WHEN TO KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cathycan said...

I just "Kill 'em with kindness" I make a point to be soooo nice to them. It gives me a sick sense of satisfaction. I'll never forget when I met my great aunt for the first time. It was an errand of mercy, she was in the hospital and my grandma wanted me to visit her. I brought some pictures of the family to share and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Well, you're cetainly a well-fed bunch" I about fell over at the time!!

Bree said...

oh how terrible...just remember what goes around comes around, maybe someday she will learn first hand just how much things like that hurt.
congrats on taking the high road, not everyone could do that.

Bethany said...

This post has inspired me to come out of hiding. Having been a recipient of rude comments one too many times in my life (and one time is too many, if you ask me!) I had to send an e-hug your way . . . so here it is ((((hug)))) Anyway, I found your blog through Shelley Smith, if you are curious.

Brittney Andy and Boston said...

This is the definition of sarcasm. I like the root better:

Greek sarkasmos, from sarkazein to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer, sarx flesh; probably akin to Avestan thwarəs- to cut
Date: 1550
1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain

People might think what they are saying is funny. Or hide their rude remarks behind the title of "i was just being sarcastic".
But when you think of sarcasm as tearing flesh, or to cut, you realize how very damaging words really are. I think this is where the saying, a razor sharp tongue comes from. Have you ever been talked to sarcastically, and felt shredded into ribbons? Like you have been physically ripped apart? I have, it hurts.
I'm sorry Shan. I hope this person realizes the error of their ways. Words are dangerous, we need to use them wisely.

Jess said...

Some people! Hmph. I'm sorry she was rude! I agree with Caity--maybe she thinks it is normal, in which case we should feel bad for her. And with your mom--kill her with kindness. Maybe one day she will realize that mean people suck--and she can be one of them! I'm sorry though. Stuff like that hurts.

JJ, Mands, and Lil said...

Shannon, I really don't get some people. Seriously, who are these dumb people and where do they come from? I remember in high school pitching in a softball game and the other team was chanting, " Pitchers got a big butt." I still get sad feelings about it when I think back.

One time someone said something mean to my sister at Home Depot and she called me crying and the first thing I could think of was hurting that other person. Seriously hurting them badly.

I hate when people don't know how to communicate of even have any feelings at all towards others. I think people say these things because they are so insecure themselves. We all love you here in blogger world and think you are gorgeous, stylish, and so fun!

BECKY said...

I loved "the little hiatt family" comment. I'm sorry this happened to you Shan. :( I'm glad you cried though... I've totally cried at work over stuff like that and feel dumb about it. It's good to know you're on my side. :)

Summer said...

Shan, I am so sorry! You seriously are one of the coolest people. That person is a DORK! I agree with the saying if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

shell said...

yeah Shan you are truly a cool person. you have it together, you have style, you are happy, you are beautiful, you love your husband and he loves you, you have a great new place, a beautiful smile, beautiful hair, and an awesome sense of humor. the list can go on and on and on... seriously!!! you are an awesome person. I can't wait to see you. You are such a good friend.

love you lots-shellie

Vail blog said...

ps I tagged you on my blog. I thought it would be fun to hear some random facts about you! :)

Shane and Jamie Smith said...

that's awful, why people don't think before they speak, I will never understand!! It seriously amazes me!!! You are an amazing person and I just love reading your blog, you make me smile every time I read it, well other than this last one, I want to have a few words with your co-worker....I hope you are having a great day!! Keep up the smiles :)

mike badger said...

Maybe it's just from getting picked on when I was in middle school but I probably would have said something like, "What? I am sorry but I couldn't hear your question because your lack of class and human decency was drowning you out. I find it helps if you process a thought threw your brain before letting it spew out of your mouth."

O.K. Thats what would happen if I had time to practice in reality I would have said "Shut-up Jerk" or something similar.

Kudos to you for not being mean back.

Clair said...

I believe that people who feel like they have to tear others down do it because they don’t know who they are and have low self-esteems. They are rude to justify the jealous feelings they have.

You are a wonderful person, it’s evident that a lot of people think so.