Sunday, March 30, 2008

{question}

Alright everyone, listen up!
I need your help answering a question! So all of you who have been married or have attended a siblings wedding, this one is for you!


As you know my little brother is getting married in June. His fiance never directly asked me to be a bridesmaid, however she bought me and her sisters all the same dress to wear (so I guess that makes us bridesmaids, right?) Anyway, so we're all wearing matching dresses, the moms have their pretty dresses, and my brother rented tuxedos for the dads, my brothers, and her brother to wear. However, they didn't get a tux for Andrew to wear, which I thought was odd. If everyone in our family is dressing formally and in matching attire, shouldn't he wear a tux too? Yes, he's an in-law (the only one so far), but he'll be in the family pictures.


So, here's my question- when you got married or when your siblings got married, did you have your brother and/or sister in-laws wear a bridesmaid outfit or a tux (or matching attire) to match the rest of the family?

Maybe I'm just a little bias, cause I like how my man looks in a tux!

12 comments:

Brittney Andy and Boston said...

I don't think matching dresses always means you are a bridesmaid. It's just a way to color coordinate the wedding party. A wedding I was in had matching dresses for her little sisters and the same color theme for all the sisters and sister-in-laws. I was the only bridesmaid. In my personal opinion, I would get him a tux as well just so he won't be a lone man. If there were several of them I wouldn't be as worried. In my wedding we did a tux for the best man and dads and we bought matching ties for the rest of the family.
So I guess I think there is no wrong answer. I agree with you, but I don't think it's the "proper" thing to have a matching tux either.

Ashley said...

yikes! That is a hard one. Could he rent something that looks the same so he doesn't stick out? It is weird that they wouldn't include him.

My wedding was too low-key to answer your question. Everyone just wore whatever they wanted so it didn't matter. But I see your point if everyone at this one is dressing the same.

The REALLY weird thing about it is she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid, but got you a dress. ????? I've never heard of that before.

shan & andrew said...

Ashley, it's a Utah thing I guess. She never "offically" asked me- she just called one day and asked what size I wore.

Kat said...

Technically the groom's fam buys all the tuxs' right?? So yes, especially since your man is in the pics, he must have a tux!! Would be totally awkward if he didn't. Are your parents involved with it at all?

Claire said...

I think I'd go ahead and rent him a tux. Especially since guys look so good in them!! :D That is quite an odd situation though...

Scott and Lindsey said...

I did have all of my in-laws in tuxedos. Scott's family was paying for them, so of course they wanted everyone in them. At that time, though, there were no brother-in-laws, but I think we still would have put them in a tux.
I have seen both at weddings. It is very common for the girls to have matching dresses, but not be bridesmaids. I see it ALL the time. I guess it is a way of including you, but not making it so official.
As far as the tux goes I have seen people who didn't include everyone. Usually though, those were bigger families and I'm guessing people didn't want to have to pay for tuxes for everyone. If Andrew is the only one in the group without one he will probably stick out a little.
I would talk to your brother and soon to be sister-in-law and explain how you feel, that you aren't trying to be difficult, etc. Just make it low key, so if there is resistance you can back off without it becoming an issue. It could just be that this is the first guy in your family to get married and they didn't think about it. It could just be an oversight.
If it ends that they really don't want Andrew in a tux, the only thing to do, I guess, is be the bigger person and have Andrew dress in a suit (if he has one) or a similar colored shirt.
Sorry, these things come up at weddings all the time. I could write a story about mine or a book about all the things I have seen. If it is bothering you I always think it is best to talk about it, then wish you said something later.
Good luck!

Shellie said...

Get all up in her bidness and be like "why you be hatin on my man?" and she be all "get out of my face yo! I had so much going on I didn't even think about it"

just talk to her about it. because she probably isn't realizing the situation. It will make you feel alot better.

Lisa Kendrick said...

Have you asked your brother yet what her plans are? I'd go that route first, and if he's clueless then ask her.

But in answer to your question, yes we included all the inlaws (even the ones we don't like) as bridesmaids and groomsmen out of politeness.

Jess said...

I would ask your brother first also... At my wedding, we had all of my hubby's sisters in matching dresses, and my mom-in-law mentioned that she thought only the brothers should be in tuxes, not the sister's husbands (in-laws)... I wouldn't take that. I figure, once you are married, you are family! (And your family is paying for the tuxes, so shouldn't your bro get to decide?) Once I explained my position, my mom-in-law understood and everyone was in tuxes. I am really glad too! The pictures would have looked weird with the brothers-in-law not in tuxes! I think she probably doesn't understand that it will be weird.

Anonymous said...

Hi Shan, You can't compare anything to my family, but in your case, yes, Andrew should wear a tux!

shan & andrew said...

Thanks everyone for your comments! :) Alas, it has been decided to have Andrew wear a tux. We weren't really sure what was best, and you guys all really helped! Thanks a billion! I can't wait for the wedding so I can post pictures! It'll be lovely!

The Little Hiatt Family said...

that is weird that she never asked you to be a bridesmaid...
But anyway! Yeah, my sister and brother in law had matching outfits to fit the wedding party... I find it odd that Andrew didnt get a tux. Maybe she just wants the immediate family?? that is so weird!!! this whole wedding things has been odd though...