{ Baker 4 months }

Oh, my little Baker boy...where has the time gone? It's amazing the changes you have made in the last month. Here are a few new things you've learned...

• You've started talking a ton & you've really found your voice! You love to tell stories and we talk about your day when I'm putting you to bed at night. Sometimes as I'm trying to get you to go to sleep, I'll talk to you really soft and you'll look up at me, with your great big brown eyes, and softly coo back and give me a sweet smile. It's like you're telling me you love me too, and it melts my heart each time. It's a moment I'll cherish forever!
• Your favorite things are your hands! It's a rare occurrence when you don't have your hands in your mouth. You also like to suck on your two middle fingers or your thumb, and even though I try to sneak the binkie in your mouth instead, you prefer your hand.
• I swear you are teething. You drool like crazy and constantly rub your tongue on your top gums. The top is more bumpy than the bottom, but I haven't seen any tooth buds yet! I bet you get your top teeth first!
• Anytime I put you in your car seat or bouncy seat, you try to sit up. You lean your head way forward like you want to sit up, big kid style. Even though you can sit in your bumbo, you're still too wobbly to sit up on your own. If we set you on the crack where the cushions meet on the couch, it helps support you and you feel like a big kid, sitting "on your own". 
• Earlier this month, we went on a garden tour and bought a baby carrier for you so I wouldn't have to haul the stroller around. I was worried you wouldn't like it, but you loved it! Daddy came with us and loved carrying you around in it- you thought it was the funnest thing ever and would kick and squeal every time you got in it! 
• Your long, red, baby hair is starting to fall out and new, softer hair is growing in it's place. It's still red, but it's looking a little more dark. I'll have to cut a lock of your red hair while it's still there!   

You still continue to make us all smile and laugh with your cute little personality. I can't wait to see what the next month brings!                          xoxo, Momma

{Baker 3 Months}

"The days go by slow, but the years go by fast!" One of Daddy's coworkers gave me that bit of advice the other day, and boy is that true- and we haven't even reached a year yet! We're at 3 months already?! I can't believe it.

• You have become such a smiley, vocal little guy! It's my absolute favorite milestone you've reached by far! Each morning, when we get you out of your crib, you greet us with a big ol' smile and sometimes, even a little chuckle or squeal of delight.  When we smile at you, you smile back. We even have little conversations and you tell us stories in your little baby talk.
• Sometimes when I'm nursing you, I'll look down and you'll be staring up at me, with your big brown eyes, full of love, and give me a big smile as milk dribbles down your cheek.You've really fallen in love with your momma and it melts my heart. 
• Everyone that sees you always comments on two things- your beautiful red hair, and the fact that you look exactly like Daddy, both of which make you such a handsome little man! Oh, and you definitely have Mommy's brown eyes! 
• It's finally really starting to warm up and we had our first outdoor play time! You loved being in the warm sunshine and smelled like such a summer time baby with your sunscreen on! I can't wait for this summer to see you splash around in the kiddie pool!
• Speaking of splashing around, you still love your bathy time! You've started kicking more and surprise yourself when you splash water and it hits your face. Silly guy. 
• You are such a happy, good baby. You generally sleep at least 6 hours or more straight every night and go to bed like a champ. I will usually nurse you, then cuddle you and sing songs to you while I rock you in the glider. Then, after your swaddled, I give you a kiss, turn off your light, and you fall right asleep. 
• You're such an alert little guy and love looking at different shapes and colors. You're easily distracted, especially when nursing, but I've become more patient as you unlatch and kink your head to see whatever shape is behind mommy. I love how fascinated you've become by the world around you. I hope you're always curious about new things!

You're such a joy to us Baker. Celebrating my first Mothers Day with you was wonderful and I love being your mom. Love you forever,
Mommy

{ motherhood monday: thoughts on mothers day }

With Mother's Day fast approaching, my mind has been filled with thoughts of where I was last year and where I am now. I've thought a lot about Mother's Day - what it means, what it represents, why we celebrate it. Even now, as a new mother, I have mixed emotions about the day. Let me explain...

Last year at this time, I was in a dark place. After trying to get pregnant for 4 years, and after many fertility treatments, I finally found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled. I was so so happy. And then we lost it. I was devastated. (You can read that post here)

Mother's Day occurred a few weeks after I miscarried. I remember the weeks leading up to that day, I was so angry. Everywhere I looked, everything I read, and it seemed every other commercial on television was an advertisement with unsolicited, mocking reminders of what might have been - something I longed for with every fiber of my being.

Most of all, I dreaded going to church. My religion focuses so much on the family, which is great, and I love that, but when you're not a mother, it made my infertility feel even more pronounced. I couldn't procreate as we're taught. I dreaded when they would ask all the mothers in the congregation to stand to be recognized as they handed out flowers. I dreaded hearing someone speak and talk about how blessed they were because God trusted them enough that He would bless them with these sweet spirits (aka their children). As if I wasn't trust worthy enough to conceive. I couldn't handle one more talk given where someone might say that motherhood was a sacred responsibility. Again, it made me feel like God didn't think I was responsible.

I remember the Saturday before Mothers Day, sobbing, telling Andrew that I couldn't go to church. I wanted to worship God, but the distraction of all the talks on mothers would make me angry, and I didn't want to be angry with God. Andrew understood, and we decided we wouldn't attend.

Later that day, a very sweet friend knocked on my door with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in her hand. She gave them to me with a little card that had a beautiful scripture on it.

I cried when I read it and thanked her so much for the sweet gesture. She told me that she knew what I was going through. She knew I probably wouldn't be at church the next day, and it was okay. She, a mother, understood what I was going through, as she had also suffered many miscarriages.

She told me that even though I didn't have a baby, I was still a mother. I thought about this the rest of the day and the next day. While her words were sweet and kind, I still didn't feel like a mother. The years I struggled with infertility, I read article after article about how sisters, aunts, and all women were mothers. We were mothers "in our own way". While that was a lovely thought, it didn't offer much consolation to one who longed to hold a baby in their arms that was their own.

So tonight, as I write this, I have mixed emotions. I am finally a mother. I am actually looking forward to Mother's Day, and Sunday will no longer bring the familiar sting that it has for so many years in the past. But my heart still aches for those still struggling - who long to be mothers. And who knows - maybe Sunday will come and go and my expectations for the day will leave me feeling lackluster. Maybe it's not all that it's cracked up to be. 

And so I propose this - instead of celebrating Mother's Day this Sunday, let's celebrate women in general. We are all, after all, awesome, creative, caring, sensitive, nurturing, talented, women. Whether you can get pregnant or not, whether you are a mother or not, let's celebrate us as women and the women in our lives - not just the mothers.

{ spring time fashion }

Don't you just love spring time? Everything seems so much brighter and each year I see the new grass growing and think "Is green really that vibrant?" - especially after a bleak winter!

I spotted this dress from Old Navy a few weeks ago and immediately bought it. First, it's so bright and cheery. Second, it's a wrap dress, which on a curvy girl like myself, is always a flattering fit (especially when paired with some spanx)! I plan on wearing it when we bless Baker in a couple of weeks. Oh, and it was cheap! $30!? How could I pass it up?!

P.S. Don't you just love the brushed gold monogram necklace from Peggy Li? Wouldn't this be a perfect Mother's Day gift? I'd choose A & B as the initials for my handyman and bebe (nudge, nudge husband)

spring chic by shansdesign featuring linear earrings

{ motherhood monday: things you don't expect post baby }

There are some things about motherhood that nobody really tells you. Like even in the "What to Expect" books (which I read front to back), it never talks about "how to maintain friendships after you have a baby" or "how not to go crazy staying inside all day alone with your infant".

When the hubs and I decided that I would stay home and take care of Baker, I was thrilled. To be honest, I didn't particularly love my 9-5, and I wanted to be with my baby as much as I possibly could. I had visions of hanging out with the other stay at home moms in the neighborhood, laughing over silly things our kids did while chatting in the sunshine. I would finally be a part of that elite group I had longed to join for years!

Unfortunately, after I had Baker, I ended up with a pretty bad case of the baby blues which caused me to be an emotional wreck. I was crazy paranoid about going out with my baby, fearing that he'd get RSV and be lifeflighted to Primary Childrens Hospital (a fear planted in my brain by my pediatrician at Baker's 2 week checkup - thanks doc). I stayed cooped up in my house and slowly started getting delirious from cabin fever. It didn't help that Andrew was out of town frequently and the weather was crap, so I couldn't even go on a walk. I'm actually surprised my blog posts didn't start turning into something that looked like "inside all day make shan a dull girl..." repeated over and over again.

On top of that, some of my stay at home mommy friends that lived close were starting to move from the neighborhood. When I found out they were all moving in the same month, I broke down and had major anxiety. It's not like I didn't have any other friends with kids around me, but just having those two neighbors move sent me over the edge.

I started to get more an more lonely. I loved being at home with Baker, but I longed for and missed the adult connections I used to have. I tried to keep myself busy with projects, but there were times I just wanted to sit with a friend and chat in person. I found myself getting more and more depressed until one day I gave myself a slap in the face and said, "Snap out of it girl! You're fun, outgoing, and damn it, just because you have a baby now, doesn't mean you can't have a social life!!"

I decided that I needed to be the one to reach out to other moms in the area. I got on facebook and asked other moms in our area if they wanted to start a play group. I was thrilled with the response! I started calling other friends too - if I couldn't get out, a phone conversation was better than nothing at all!

A few days ago, my friend and I ran to Sonic for happy hour (1/2 price diet dr pepper? yes please!). We had to cut our hang out short because Baker started to get fussy and I didn't have my nursing cover, but just that little outting did wonders for my soul! She probably has no idea, but it meant a lot to me and lifted my spirits!

I still struggle with loneliness and feeling isolated, but it's getting better. Did or do any of you get lonely being a stay at home mom? How do you stay busy and connected, especially with an infant?

{ Homemade Coconut Lime Mint Body Scrub }

I'm so excited to share this guest post with all of you! If you're like me, you love a great body scrub...but hate spending a lot of money expensive spa brands! Michelle Pino of Skana Spa in New York was nice enough to share a great recipe for a homemade body scrub that won't break the bank! P.S. Wouldn't this make a great gift idea? Mother's Day anyone?

Now that spring has arrived, it’s time to slough off that winter coat- and I don’t mean your jacket! A coat of dry skin may build up during those long winter months. We will explore a quick, easy way to make a homemade body scrub to reveal your feminine glow. This homemade coconut lime-mint scrub will give you the feel of being on a tropical resort, without the cost of being on a tropical resort. Since all of the ingredients are natural and healthy,  you can use them for cooking and baking- or just save them up for next time you make the scrub.

You will need: 

1 cup Organic Sugar

Sugar will exfoliate dirt and grime from around the pores, which will allow them to breathe. It is important to use organic sugar because other refined sugars contain chemicals like pesticides, which are harmful to the skin. One of the best things about using sugar as am exfoliate is that it will dissolve in the bathtub, which will make clean up quick and easy.

3 tbsp Virgin Coconut Oil

Coconut oil is full of nutrient that will soften your skin, while trailing a beautiful nutty fragrance that lingers for hours. It is important to get the virgin oil, rather than

Note: You may also use macadamia nut oil instead. The idea is to have a light oil that will not overpower the scent of the ingredients.

¼ cup Safflower

This incredibly moisturizing oil will mix with the coconut oil and help to keep it loose and liquid. It will also work to help preserve the scrub longer.

Note: Grape seed oil is a nice alternative.

2 tbsp. Organic Lime Zest

This citrus burst will refresh you every single time. The lime oil also serves as a light toner.

Squeeze of Lime Juice

The juice will brighten and cleanse, while giving the scent a nice tang. Don’t strain yourself too hard to get every drop out of the fruit, a good little squeeze will be fine to add some life in there.

10 drops Peppermint Extract

An inexpensive alternative to peppermint essential oil, this sweet mint extract blends perfectly with the citrus scent and will leave your skin feeling fresh and cool.

How to Make It (watch how easy this is):

Get out a generous size bowl.

Start with the coconut oil. As you spoon the coconut oil from the jar, you may notice that it has solidified. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that it has gone bad. Just warm it up for a few seconds by placing it in a dish in some hot water. It will liquefy in no time.

Add the other wet ingredients to the coconut oil.

Lastly, pour in the sugar. Mix it all thoroughly.

Spoon the scrub into an airtight container. (I prefer to use a Mason Jar, but any airtight container will work!)

Couldn’t get any simpler, right? And let’s be honest, who has time for more? Pamper yourself with this scrub in the shower about twice a week to maintain your silky soft new skin. Keep your scrub away from water, so the sugar does not dissolve. Be sure to use a clean spoon each time to dole it out. It should last 2-3 weeks.

Michelle Pino has provided this article. Michelle is the Spa Manager at Skana spa, a spa in upstate NY, where she is able to use the knowledge she learns at work and share it with others. She is passionate about all things related to healthy living as well as, cooking, baking and reading.


Interested in guest posting? Email me for more info!

{ coral & turquoise }

I stumbled upon a website last night called Polyvore. The site is designed so you can browse through a huge database of clothes, accessories, shoes, etc to make a collage of your dream outfits! They even show what brand and how much each piece is! It was so fun!

Coral & Turquoise by shansdesign featuring a leopard cardigan

If you know me, I love animal prints and I'm pretty sure I own at least 3 animal print cardigans. I also love a good pair of trouser jeans (this curvy girl does not look good in a pair of skinnies!), and who doesn't love coral & turquoise! Here's a little ensemble I came up with. Head over to Polyvore and make an outfit yourself!

{ DIY Nursing Cover }

Who doesn't love a good hooter hider, or the p.c. term, nursing cover? I didn't get one at my shower and I didn't think I'd need one. For some reason, I imagined I'd always be at a place that had a room I could dash into and nurse. A private room, by myself with soft lighting and maybe a sound machine. Lol. Seriously though, I hadn't thought about it until I started taking little guy out. Usually if I went to my family's house I'd just run upstairs to a vacant bedroom and nurse, but I felt like I was missing out on what was going on downstairs. I finally decided it was time to make one!

Since I am a fabric hoarder, I rummaged through my stash to find a few patterns that I thought went well together. The gray and white polka dot is from Joann ($4.99 a yard) and the chevron is a Mint Blossom pattern in the Down Under collection (which is also the collection of fabric I used for Baker's nursery). It's actually a fat quarter I ordered online! (I think it was a couple bucks)

You'll need the following supplies...

• 1 yard of fabric for the main portion of the cover (you'll have some left over but you can use it for another project or for the straps on the cover)
• 1 fat quarter for your contrasting fabric at the bottom & for the straps
• 14" long piece of boning
• 1 set of 1" d-rings
• Matching thread
• Pins

Okay, so first things first, let's make the straps. Take your fat quarter and cut three 3" strips from the longer side of the fat quarter (if there isn't a longer side, take it from whatever side if they're even)

-Sew two of your strips right sides together at the ends, making it 25" long. Cut the other, shorter strap to 10".
-To sew the straps, fold the right sides together, pin, & sew along the raw edge side with a 1/4" seam allowance (pic #1).
-Once you've sewed it, you need to turn it right side out. You can use a loop turner or hook a safety pin to one end and feed it through. However you do it, just get it right side out. :)
-After it's right side out, press it flat with the seam at the side.
-Fold it over 1/4" once, and then fold it over again 1/4" (pic #2). Iron it. (do this on both straps)
-On the shorter strap, take your d-rings and fold the fabric over them & pin in place (pic #3)
-Sew in place (over the area you folded 1/4") and clip strings. Take the longer strap and sew the 1/4" folds down as well. (pic #4)
-Set your straps aside for now.

- Next cut your main piece of fabric (I used the gray polkadot) 20"x38".
- Now take your contrasting fabric (the fat quarter) and cut two strips 6" wide. (see pic #1 below) Sew the two 6" strips together at the ends making one long piece with the seam in the center. (see pic #2 below) Measure and trim it so it's 6"x38". 
- I used pinking shears to cut the ends after I sewed them together to keep them from fraying, then I pressed the seam open (see pic #3 & #4)

-Now place that piece of fabric, right sides together, with the main fabric & sew using 1/2" seam allowance. (see pic #5)
-Cut the edge with pinking shears and press the seam open. (see pic #6)
- Now that the body is sewn, it's time to finish the edges. Fold the bottom edge over 1/2" press, and then fold it over again 1/2" and press again. (see pic #7) Pin in place and sew 1/4" in from the top fold (see pic #8).
- Repeat this step on the sides. (DO NOT SEW THE TOP EDGE YET!) Picture #8 shows how the bottom and side edges will look

- Now onto the top! Fold the edge of your fabric over 1/2", press, and then fold over again 1" & press.
- Fold the entire thing in half and measure 7" in from the center (pic #9) and place a pin on both sides of fabric where the 7" mark is (see pic #10).
- Sew a seam in between the two marks. Then insert your boning so it curves in towards the back of the cover. Sew a straight seam on each side to hold it in place. (see pic #11)
- Now grab your short strap. Slide the raw edge under the fold, right next to where you stitched the boning in. (see pic #11).
-Fold it up and pin in place (see pic #12)

- Sew a straight stitch 1/4" from bottom fold along the top of the cover (start on the edge of the cover, sew over the strap, and stop where your boning seam is).(see pic #13)
-Then sew another seam 1/4 from the top of the cover, again, starting at the edge of the cover, sew over the strap again, & stop where the boning seam is)
-Repeat the same for the other strap, but place on the other end of boning. (See pic #14)
-This is how the edge of your top should look after everything is in place.

Now you should have a finished cover! Go, nurse with confidence and enjoy your handiness!

{ Baker 2 months }

 It's amazing how times truly does fly! I know I'll say this each month as I write your little monthly updates, but I honestly feel like I just came home from the hospital with you. Has it really been two months?

•  By far, my favorite things you've started doing recently are smiling & cooing. Each morning when Daddy gets you out of your crib and brings you to me, you give him the biggest smile and a little baby chuckle. It's like you're so happy to see him and so grateful to get out of your crib! You also smile at Mommy, especially when you get a diaper change! Something about having your pants and diaper off just sends a wave of happiness over you! And who can blame you? It's free to be nakey! 
• You love your toys, especially the little colorful toys that hang from your car seat handle. The noise they make intrigues you, and to be honest, I love the sound it makes too! It's fun to see you stare at them so intently, really concentrating on the color and textures, and then smile and laugh when we shake them.  
• It's so fun seeing you kick your arms when you're really excited about something. Your eyes get really wide and you just go wild. You especially do this when I get up to nurse you. The minute you hear your door open and hear my voice, you immediately stop fussing. You know what's coming and you can't hide your excitement for a little midnight snack!
• You still look like mini version of Daddy, but you did get my eyes! I'm 99% sure you're going to have brown eyes! Hallelujah!
• I also love, love, love your red hair! I never would have thought I'd have a little red head, but you surprised us all! I can't wait to see what a handsome guy you're turning into! Watch out girls!
• We finally got a handle of your reflux. You used to cry and cry nursing and pull away sweating and clenching your little fists. Now that you're on some baby antacid, you nurse much better which makes us both happy.
• Speaking of nursing, you still love to poop while on the boob. Silly boy. You are also as loud as ever as you nurse- you love your milky time!
• You had your first cold this month. As hard as I tried to shield you from the world to keep you from getting sick, you caught a cold (in your eye of all places)! You're a champ at taking your medicine though, which is a relief for me!
• You are such a big boy! You weighed 13.4 lbs at your last appointment and you've nearly grown out of your 3 month old clothes! 

I just love you so much Baker! I feel so blessed to be your mom and can't wait to see you grow up! (Okay, I can wait...but I do look forward to new experiences with you!)

xoxo,
Momma

my little red

{speculoos...an ode to thee}

photo via oh joy 

 

cookie butter i love you,

cookie butter, yes it's true!

on an apple or in a shake,

with some toast or on a cake.

if you haven't tried a bite,

you're missing out, it's dynamite! 

Seriously friends, have you tried this stuff? Andrew's boss gave this to us as a Christmas gift, and it sat unopened in our cupboard, lonely and alone for months. I'd never heard of it, and I'm not really into peanut butter so I wasn't too interested in this. There was a time I almost threw it away, as I was making room in my cupboard for a jar of Ragu. Shame on me.

Then, one glorious day, a friend posted a picture on Instagram and spoke of it's goodness. I resurrected it from the back of the pantry and gave it a try. I kid you not, my life flash before my eyes, and I knew then that this jar of deliciousness would be shared with generations to come. All I could think was, "Where has this creamy goodness been all my life?!" (Apparently at Trader Joes)

A friend asked me what it tastes like and the only way I could describe it was like this...

"It tastes like what I imagine my house made of cookies in heaven will taste like. Creamy goodness with a hint of gingerbread and crushed biscuits. The angels will sing songs of joy as I dip into the walls of my heavenly mansion. #mykindofheaven"

Then in perusing the internet to find pictures of my new favorite treat, I stumbled upon this little gem over at babies design food. 

Sounds uhmayzing, right? 

I might have to make this tomorrow. Sure, it might use the calories I might have used for breakfast and lunch, but it's worth it. Yum-mee!!!!